My Experience with Insomnia
This is something I have been wanting to write about for a while, but I didn't have enough distance from the experience yet to share. However I learned so much during this process and I hope that if anyone else is struggling with sleep, this perhaps could help.
Earlier this year I endured some pretty intense insomnia. While I had experienced nights where I had difficulty falling asleep, this was different. For many weeks I was stuck in a cycle where I was tossing and turning for hours at night (sometime many days in a row), finally followed by a night of sleep due to pure exhaustion. It felt like the only way I could fall asleep was to have 2 - 3 nights prior of very little sleep. I even had a few nights of an hour or less total.
While the physical aspect of insomnia is brutal, even worse is what it does to you mentally. I couldn't think of anything that brought it on and nothing I tried to help seemed to work. Sometimes even sleeping pills didn't get me to sleep. It felt like I was stuck in a cycle that could go on indefinitely, and this tortured me every day. As a health coach, I often preach the benefits and necessity of sleep, and knowing the toll this could take on my health only compounded my stress and anxiety.
In an effort to help the situation, I doubled down on my sleep hygiene - getting sunlight early in the day, taking vitamin D and magnesium, meditating, wearing blue blockers before bed. And I even added in new things to my routine like a relaxing tea, an herbal supplement recommended by my doctor, melatonin and a weighted blanket. I started to become obsessive about all these things, scared that if I missed one element, I for sure wouldn't sleep that night. However, none of these made a difference and just increased my anxious thoughts around the whole situation. What scared me most was not knowing if and when this would end. It all felt so out of my control. Why could something that came so naturally to me, and virtually everyone else, suddenly be so difficult?
Finally I realized that I needed help. I knew cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT could be effective for insomnia, so I reached out to a therapist for weekly sessions. I started to see how identifying with and internalizing my distorted thoughts were creating more stress and anxiety. Many of my thoughts around sleep were classic cognitive distortions like all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, emotional reasoining etc. Working with the therapist really helped me create distance between my thoughts and my reality. I also kept a sleep log and could see that while I still had rough nights, overall I was slowly making progress. CBT definitely helped me, but progress was slow. Then I came across another resource that truly helped me turn things around. This was Martin Reed's (The Insomnia Coach) free sleep training program. This 2 week course really changed everything for me as it gave me a new perspective from which to look at the issue and daily actionable steps to help me trust that my body knew what to do, and that sleep would return. These changes in particular are what really helped me:
I stopped creating and using rituals to help me sleep. This meant no sleeping pills, melatonin, sleep tea etc. I had to trust that nothing was wrong with me and that my body knows how to sleep and will again. Anything I didn't do before my insomnia, I stopped doing.
Re-associate the bed as a place for sleep and only sleep, not as a place for anxious thoughts and tossing and turning. This meant that if I was having a rough night, I would get out of bed and do something else until I felt sleepy enough to go back to bed. This was a tough one for me, but it did really help.
No matter what happened the night before, I would continue my day as usual. This meant exercising, social engagements, working, etc. I would not let my sleep deprived status dictate my days. Keeping my days active no matter what happened the night before really took the power away from the insomnia. And I learned that I am incredibly adaptable and can be quite productive even on very little sleep.
I stopped tracking my sleep with a sleep log. Fixating on exactly how much sleep I got the night before was not helpful and just produced more anxiety.
Continued to focus on the fact that thoughts are just thoughts. They do not define me or my reality, and while I couldn't control my thoughts, I could control how much I believed in or identified with them.
Now my sleep is much, much improved. I still have a bad night here and there, but I take it in stride and know that it has no impact on the next day. If you or someone you know is struggling with insomnia, I would definitely recommend CBT whether it's with a private therapist, or a free online training program like Martin Reed's. While therapy can be covered by insurance (at least partially), it's wonderful that there are free resources online that anyone can access.
If you are struggling with your sleep, know that you are not alone, and you don’t have to rely on medications for the rest of your life. Of course, check in with your doctor to make sure no other health issues are at play. If there’s not, it may be worth exploring how your thoughts and actions are impacting your ability to sleep. You can’t control your sleep, but you CAN create the conditions for sleep! I hope sharing my experience is helpful. If you’ve recovered from sleep issues, what has helped you? I’d love to know!