My First Meditation Retreat Experience

Acknowledge the wave, but stay with the ocean. My husband and I recently returned from our first meditation retreat in Costa Rica and this is the phrase that has stayed with me since. It was an incredible experience, and one that I want to share with everyone I know, but I struggle to find the right words to do so. So here is my attempt. But first, a little background...

I've been meditating on and off for a few years, first starting with Calm, then Headspace, then Ziva and finally settling on the guided meditations in the Sam Harris Waking Up app. While meditating consistently has helped me reduce stress, recognize my thoughts as just thoughts and has provided an oasis where I could relax my mind, for the most part, once I got up from meditation, I went back to my normal state of mind. Which for me (and most of us) was thinking without knowing I'm thinking and a frantic feeling of having 50 mental tabs open all at once screaming for my attention. This is the "small mind" and basically our default mode. I was also inadvertently feeding this small mind by constantly shoveling experiences into my own consciousness in the form of social media, email, texts, news apps and podcasts in a futile attempt to break up the monotony that can come with day to day living. Trust me, I know I live an incredibly privileged life. I have a great marriage, two beautiful kids, friends that are like family, a home that I love and work that I'm passionate about. But I was beginning to notice an underlying current of unfulfillment, a nagging voice that said "Is this it?". More laundry, more playdates, more dinners, on and on and on? I used to think that once I got to a certain stage in life, say when the kids are both in school, or once I started health coaching, that THEN life would be better, easier, more satisfying. But ultimately that's a delusion. These things would make life feel novel for a bit, but the same current of unfulfillment inevitably returns. In response, the small mind continues grasping for more - more experiences, more distractions, more pleasures, more, more, more while also pushing away anything unpleasant or difficult. This is our mind doing what it knows how to do in order to make us happy. However, the problem with this is that all things, pleasant or unpleasant, are impermanent and therefore cannot be held onto. It's like trying to hold air in your hands. And pushing away the negative, whether thoughts, feelings or experiences, is a temporary repression and only empowers them to come back stronger. Sound familiar? But it turns out the mind is not only the source of this unfulfillment, but also it's freedom from it. In fact you've probably seen this first hand at some point.

Have you ever had a moment, even if it was very brief, when everything felt totally OK just as it is? When you felt at ease, connected to everyone and everything, aware of a spaciousness and aliveness within you and all around? Maybe you were looking at a beautiful sunset, laughing with friends, or in the flow of doing something that you love. What if I told you that what you experienced was a glimpse or a mini "awakening" into your true nature, that it's here within you always, and you can learn to access it on demand? People often think it's the outer environment, nature, friends, a relaxed setting etc that provides this sort of experience. In fact, it's a peek into your own awake awareness, which for that brief moment has recognized itself as your true nature. Not only that, but you can learn to live from this place of awake awareness, making it your new default mode. It's true and this is what we explored and practiced while on the retreat.

We spent the week at Blue Spirit in Costa Rica, learning and practicing with Loch Kelly, a nondual mindfulness teacher and psychotherapist we first discovered on the Waking Up app. Loch's approach is called Effortless Mindfulness which he defines as "an ancient wisdom practice that integrates with contemporary neuroscience and psychology. It is an advanced, yet simple, next stage of mindfulness. Effortless mindfulness allows you to shift out of your small chattering mind and into an already awake compassionate mind - any time of the day". It is called a nondual practice because of the recognition that while there are differences between ourselves and others, there is also a sameness that unites us all. It's the awareness and recognition of this "same - same" that brings forth tremendous compassion, loving kindness and what Loch has termed "open hearted awareness". I have experienced this open hearted awareness at home and while on retreat, and the experience is hard to put into words, but it's as if the voice changed from "This is it?" to "This is IT!" LIke a familiar homecoming, I was able to access a place of connectedness, wellbeing, compassion and unbound love that I recognized as something that was always already within me and all around. I know how this may sound, but I assure you it's real, and it's within you as well.

What I love about effortless mindfulness is that it is incredibly accessible, learnable and doesn't require you to meditate an hour a day or become a monk to access this new way of being. All it takes is an open mind, a willingness to learn and a commitment to some practice throughout the day. So how am I continuing this at home? As Loch says "small glimpses, many times". I'm trying to do 2 - 3 guided glimpses a day while also trying to catch myself when I've returned to the small mind and become re-identified. In this way I am trying to rewire my brain to "learn to return" and "train to remain" in openhearted awake awareness. I'm also making a point to have more stillness in my day by being protective of what I bring into it. No more mindless phone scrolling, including little to no social media (for now), while including more walks outside without music or a podcast. Lastly I'm making more of an effort to be in my body instead of my mind. This can be done with breathing practices and also by being aware of how thoughts, feelings and experiences feel in my body. I was curious how it would be to try to integrate effortless mindfulness into my everyday life, and so far I can definitely say I feel more at ease, more present, and like I have a lot fewer mental tabs open. When distressing or even happy thoughts or life situations arise, I recognize them for what they are - a wave that will come and go. Because ultimately all experience is like a wave in the vast ocean to which we are all connected. Hence, acknowledge the wave, but stay with the ocean. I'm hopeful that with time this new operating system will become my default mode of being, and one that I can live my life from.

If this has piqued your interest, and you want to learn more, I highly recommend you check out Loch's website www.lochkelly.org. There you can find more information about effortless mindfulness as well as a link to his Learning Circle which contains guided meditations and online support. Additionally he has a book called The Way of Effortless Mindfulness which I would also recommend in audio form as you can get recordings of the glimpse practices. You can also sign up for a 7 day free trial of the Waking Up app and listen to Sam Harris' conversation, Q&A and meditation tracks with Loch. I'm also more than willing to chat with anyone about my personal experience and answer any questions you may have. As he said in Costa Rica "The water's warm, come on in!".